Top Ten Stories


These are some of the more outrageous stories that I am particularly proud of. Sometimes I seriously amaze myself with what I’ve gotten away with. Hopefully, none of this will come back one day to haunt me. I’ve had nightmares of dead animals being left at my doorstep in fatal attraction style.

10) Runkling the daughter of a professor of mine at Harvard who gave me my first and

only grade of “C” on a midterm examination my freshman year. Ah, revenge is a dish best

served in a latex condom. I later mailed him a picture of his daughter and I smooching

and attached a note reading “C-“.

9) Runkling a chick one night on spring break, and then 3 1/2 hours later having some

other chick unsuspectingly blow my unwashed Johnson.

8) Runkling a beautiful Swedish chick at the exact moment I was to have received my

medical school diploma. None of my classmates could understand what could possibly be

more important than going to commencement and spending hours with a 120 dorks and

their closest friends and family members.

7) Being the first one of my friends to runkle a chick over a decade my junior. Show me

the booty! Show me the booty!

6) Sleeping in a youth hostel in Budapest with five partially clothed Swedish girls on a two

twin-size beds they slid together, after they convinced me that I shouldn’t try to walk back

to myJiostel, because I was too drunk.

5) Having a titty dancer I was dating convince a co-worker that she should runkle me
because I was sure to give her multiple orgasms.

4) Mugging with a mother mid her daughter in exchange for beads during the Marti Gras
celebration in New Orleans in 1997.

3) Having an old girlfriend flying from all the way from England to visit me in the middle
of the school year just because “she missed me.” She subsequently wound up failing her
classes that quarter because she was gone so long.

2) Having a girl I was dating show up at my door at 1:00am unexpectedly, while I was
rankling some other chick. I foolishly answered the door in a towel and sweating like the
dog that I am. Needless to say there was a scene. Both of them wound up crying and
storming out in the middle of the night, and both wound up friends, forgiving me and
fornicating with me less than a day later after a lot of bullshitting on my part.

1)  After talking to a chick I had met in the Bahamas for an hour, I convinced her to fly
across the country and visit me 8 months later during my internship. We rankled for a
couple of nights, and while I was in the hospital, she cooked and cleaned my apartment.
Then she went home to California and broke up with the guy she was seeing at the time
because his rankling skills just didn’t compare to mine.