The Follow Up

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So you’ve been to Europe. You’ve done spring break. You found a princess of a chick in Argentina. Now your back home and all those girls you met are scattered all over the earth. What do you do now and in the future? You can’t possibly keep in touch with all of them, and you really don’t even want to. Let’s face it. Writing, calling and even e-mail can be a pain in the ass. You have got to ask yourself, “Who deserves follow up? Who is worth going through the trouble of seeing again one day in the future?” You even have to consider who is willing to come and visit you in the future. My answer to those questions when I asked them of myself after trips abroad has varied from “none of them” to “all of them”. You really have to keep up the intensity in a relationship, so that the next time you both meet, you can hook up easily. To do that you may have to commit some time. That’s because, girls need to feel that they are still special to you and that you haven’t forgotten about them long after you’ve headed home. Choose the girls you follow up with wisely, so as not to waste your time, money and energy that could be better spent chasing other girls. The quickest, easiest, cheapest way to follow up by is e-mail. The most romantic is regular mail. (Picture a girl overseas bothering the mailman everyday for any word from you.) The most personal and the most expensive is calling.

Seeing them again can be strange. But you’re a guy, and for you picking up right where you left off will be easy. But the girl on the other hand may be a Uttle apprehensive, mostly worried about how you feel about her. You have to be reassuring, without saying things you don’t mean or making promises you can’t keep. It’s a true talent. You can have some difficulty, if a lot of time has gone by since the last time you saw her, or there

Then one day will come when something really goes wrong. She’ll cheat on you, she’ll tell you she wants to see other people, that she wants more space, that she wants to be friends or that she doesn’t have the same feelings for you anymore, and you are going to be devastated. You are going to grieve (but be a man about it and do it in solitude). You are going to drink yourself stupid. You are going to walk around like a zombie— emotionally numb and unable to function normally for a certain period of time. You won’t be able to eat or sleep. You are going to try and get her back, or if not, want to have her back because you miss her so much. All your friends will console you and tell you she isn’t worth it, but you won’t listen.

To make it through this time without going insane you have to do a few things. Keep yourself busy as much as you can. Surround yourself with friends to hang out with. Go out and try and snag another chick or better yet start dating a bunch right away— it will help ease the hurt. Get rid of absolutely everything that you have that is associated or reminds you of her in any way. Don’t see or speak with her, or her friends or family. But regardless of what you do, you’re going to think about her 24 hours a day. But rest assured— soon it will only be 23 hours. Then before you know it 20, then 18 and so on~ until whole days will go by without you thinking about her at all. Then you’ll find that any girl you meet after her can never hurt you that badly again. If you are into a chick, and things don’t work out, you may be disappointed, but you won’t be devastated. You’ll cope with it and blow it off. Many of my buddies go through a phase where they are completely cold and heartless with all chicks until they reach a point where whole days go by without thinking about a lost love.

I firmly believe that you only truly fall in love once in your life— you hope that it is with one you are eventually going to wind up marrying, but it almost never is (an exception in the case of my father). Once that innocence and naively of true love is lost, it is lost forever, and you can never regain it or the potential for emotional pain that comes with it. It’s kind of like being circumcised. It only happens once. There’s no anesthesia. And although the pain is excruciating, it’s fleeting and irreproducible and most of us can’t remember it. I had a bitter friend of mine who learned the hard way how not to be a sap.

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