New Orleans, Louisiana USA


New Orleans, Louisiana and the famed Marti Gras celebration which happens the three weeks preceding the Lenten season in February is usually near the top of any world travelers itinerary. During the last week of Marti Gras festivities, the city is absolutely packed. There are parades everyday and drinking and merry-making all night, every night. This is the recipe for having a great time at Marti Gras; take a bunch of your good buddies, the ones that would do anything to hook up, some sexually frustrated brae-less girls who don’t care what their mothers think of them, add alcohol, plastic beads, a camcorder and, Walla! So what if most of the girls here aren’t the most beautiful, its worth going to Marti Gras for the pure entertainment value of trying to see just how much you can get away with. You won’t sleep, so expect an upper respiratory infection. You will hookup, so expect a genital-urinary infection, if you aren’t careful.

If your idea of a good time is drinking with a bunch of other guys and hitting on mostly unattractive women who will show you their tits, stick their tongues down your throat or whack you off for plastic beads, you’re going to have a blast. Yes, big, colorful beads possessed by the revelers at Marti Gras are to be given in exchange for sexual favors. If a girl likes your beads (or you, more importantly), she’ll ask you what she has to do to get some of them. Or better yet, find someone you like and ask her what she’s willing to do for some beads. You can ask her to do anything you want. Use your imagination. Get some guy’s girlfriend to show you her tits. Get two sisters from Mississippi to stroke your Johnson. Suck on the nipples of some guy’s wife, while he’s away getting drinks at the bar. No shit, this kind of stuff goes on with ridiculous frequency here. Sex-for-beads transactions happen every 30 seconds in and around Bourbon Street. Oftentimes, followed by crabs for clamydia transactions. Occasionally you will get lucky and run into some hot chicks who will do whatever you want, since they are too dumb to know any better. The hot, dumb ones tend to be from Texas, Alabama or Mississippi—very, young and very excited just to be at a party this big and hooking up with someone who is not relation!

City officials promptly put a stop to the madness at 12:00 midnight on Fat Tuesday, so don’t bother staying one minute longer than that, unless you got lucky and hooked up with one of the few beautiful girls to be found in Louisiana. A word to the wise; Be careful. Remember that New Orleans is the city where the police get busted for dealing drugs and putting contracts out on witnesses, so you can imagine what the bad guys are like. If you visit New Orleans at any time other than Marti Gras, which is held the three weeks before Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season every year, head down to the French Quarter for some decent food, before heading to Texas and points further West. The women here are ugly, but at least they can cook. Pat Obrien’s on Saint Peter Street, Cooter’s on Carrolton Ave, the Maple Leaf on Oak Street and Miss Mae’s on Magazine Street are decent bars, whenever you may visit. The best titty bar is the Gold Cup on Iberville.

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