Munich, Germany

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The best time to be in Munich is during Octoberfest, not only to hit on beautiful, drunk German girls, but to hit on the beautiful, drunk, foreign tourists who come here every year. Who knows why, but Octoberfest usually begins in September and lasts 16 days. The exact dates change year to year so be sure to check your calendar before planning your itinerary. But be forewarned. Drinking beer is mainly a guy thing to do, even during Octoberfest, or rather especially during Octoberfest, so don’t expect a “Blitzkreig of Booty!” The Haufbrau tent is the best place to scam on the chicas, since you can actually walk around as you like with a beer in hand— something you can’t do at some of the other tents, where they won’t even serve you unless you are sitting at table. Head to a club called the Hippodrome just a short stagger away, where the drunken go to party late night which for the Germans means until 1:00am. Surprisingly enough, this place looks like animal house meets Disneyland, since between all of the beer tents there are things like roller coasters and Ferris wheels to tempt the inebriated. It brought back memories of the very first time I got drunk. I was 13 years old. My buddies thought that it would be really funny to take me to the local playground, bounce me up and down on the see-saw and hang me upside-down on the monkey bars, until I puked.

You don’t have to come here during Octoberfest to drink beer. At any one time there are loads of people who flock to the popular watering holes here in Munich. The best places to drink are the Lawenbrau Keller on Nymphenburgerstrabe and the Hofbrauhaus in the Am Platz. At the Hofbrauhaus, you’ll probably have your best shot at hooking up with the hundreds of foreign tourist booties that are here in this city at any one time. There you will find many other PB’s and spermin’ Germans trying to do the same thing as you— drink until the girls start to look good, and then do anything and everything possible to get runkled. Personally, my favorite German brew is Augustiner. You can get some at their beer hall on Arnulfstrabe.

As long as you’re in Munich anyway, check out the park at Englischer Garten where you can drink and watch half-naked, chubby German girls chase down errantly thrown Frisbees. This is basically a nudist beach without the beach, or a place for cellulite-ridden old Woodstock hippies to come to die. If nobody looks good to you, drink at the Chinesischer Turm Beer Garden (which is located in the park) until someone does. The big shopping district in Munich is on the Marienplatz so check it out if you want to meet some German girls who look better with their clothes on. Much of the best nightlife centers around Leopoldstrabe. The university is located in Schwabing, a suburb of Munich located west of the Englischer Garden. For the PB in search of quality German YP your best bet is to check out the honeys around Munchener Freiheit. Nachtwerk on Landesbergerstrabe is probably the best club around here on the weekends. The largest club in Munich is actually an old airport, which was converted to a concert hall/dance club. It’s called Flughafen Riem on Togingerstrabe, and it has three main sections, all of which can accommodate several thousand people. Right next to it is a club called Ultraschall which opens when the Reim closes, so if you’re the kind of person who like to party German style, while the rest of the country is attending church, this is the place for you. The Park Cafe on Sophienstrabe, like the one in Copenhagen, is pretty cool on the weekends also.

God Damn Factor 7.5

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