There are a lot of great things about this city, but by far my two favorite are that there are beautiful women here, and it’s cheap as hell to eat, sleep and party. Many believe that Portugal’s women are as good as neighboring Spain, so I doubt you’ll be disappointed when visiting. English is not spoken widely except in the Algarve, but if you do OK with your Spanish, the locals will probably understand you. Most of the Portuguese population is centered in Lisbon. But in the summer time the favorite destination for international partygoers is definitely further south.

Here’s some helpful advice. Remember your manners when visiting Portugal. Portuguese men are often just as aggressive as Italians. Lots of times they get their kicks out of groping strange women in bars and clubs, which is why some Portuguese women avoid the club scene and men they don’t know all together. If you come off like a nice guy, you may just get lucky. Like any other country, if you head out of the big cities where people all mistrust each other (especially foreigners) into the smaller towns, you will find friendlier and occasionally hotter chicks. If you have the opportunity to go exploring with a local, who knows the area, do so and satisfy your curiosity.

Lisbon is the capital of Portugal. For those of you who think you know Latin etymology, don’t worry, most women here are straight. It’s a big, crowded, dirty city with poor public transportation. Skip the sight seeing and save your strength for nighttime revelry. Speaking of your strength, you can replenish your body’s glycogen stores and the vitamins and minerals you pissed away following those bouts of drunkenness in Spain by eating some damn good food here in Lisbon. Restaurants are ridiculously cheap here, especially in Alfama, where local seafood dishes will make you forget about all of the skipped meals you had to endure in Paris. Avoid the touristy areas where restaurants charge inflated prices in exchange for the English speaking staff and international menus and head off to the restaurants the locals frequent. The food and prices will be much better, although you may have to physically go into the kitchen and point to what you what, if you can’t decipher the menu, or the waitress can’t understand what the hell you are saying.

Lisbon comes alive in June with its numerous festivals and night fairs. It’s a great time to meet the local booty, while they’re happy to be off from school and the summer is just starting. There was a beer festival down by the port while I was here one year. It didn’t compare to the sickness of Octoberfest, but all the same European beers were featured. It was something like $1.50US to gain entry, get a beer glass and your first beer. After that, it was about $0.75US a beer. Needless to say everybody got sloppy drunk and hooked up. I was especially psyched since I snagged one of the cute, little beer girls working one of the counters. Tasted great and was less filling!

Most of the best women in this city can be found in the Bairro Alto. Walk along Rua do Carmo and Rua do Garrett to check out the babes shopping during the day. Come nightfall, the streets in and around the Rua do Norte, Rua da Atalaia and the Rua Diario de Noticias are the places to be. Every summer someone else decides what’s hot. As in San Sebastian and Lagos, most all the nightlife is central and easily accessible. So follow the noise and check to see where the chicas are. The best dance clubs and bars in the city include La Folie Discoteca, Tres Pastorinhos and Cena de Copos on Rua da Barroca.

God Damn Factor 8.0