Hungary

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Hungary hands down has the most beautiful women in Eastern Europe, and like the Czech Republic, there as a great variety of women to choose from. It’s hard to type cast the typical Hungarian babe. She comes in all shapes and sizes and a few different hair colors. In fact about the only thing they have in common is that they tend to be very beautiful. Many have incredible bodies that rival the women of Spain and Holland, and damn sexy accents. (I have many Australian PB friends of mine who swear by them.) Fortunately, many of the young people in Hungary speak English, because they can make money off of the millions of tourists who visit their country each year, if they do. And thank God they do. Their language is as hard to learn as the Asian languages to someone who is used to speaking English or one of the Latin-derived, Romance languages. If you speak German you are stoked, as almost everyone considers this the second language of Hungary, although soon to be overtaken by English.

Following the Soviet occupation, which ended in 1989, the Hungarians found themselves almost totally and completely dependent on tourism to support their economy and obtain cold, hard, western currency. Thousands of businessmen from the West infiltrated this country looking for opportunities to make money in subsequent years, and they found them. A walk through downtown Budapest would convince anyone that McDonalds, Coca Cola and MTV have taken over this part of the world. Consequently, resentment grew among the Hungarians who felt that the infiltration of Western culture, language and business into their country was bad for the Hungarian people.

It’s a catch 22; They realize that they need the West in order to prosper economically in the future, but they resent the fact that they do and wish they could reclaim their country and cultural identity from the multitude of foreigners who have come here. You may ask what the hell this has to do with you. Well, this attitude may effect you in your efforts to hook up in Hungary. Be sympathetic and understanding, but not dickless. This will get you rankled. Don’t cop a “Don’t you wish you were me” attitude with the Hungarian chicks. (This goes for the Czech chicks as well, jerky.)

As in the Czech Republic, there are often two prices for goods and services in this country— one, which the locals pay and another, which the tourists pay. That gets to be annoying after a while, especially in the bars and restaurants. But it is still cheap as hell to eat, sleep and party. Ice cream and vodka practically cost pennies in Hungary. That’s about the only beneficial legacy of the Soviet occupation. They kept the price of these items low to keep the masses happy. It’s amazing what dessert, a good buzz and a few divisions of armored tanks can do to keep people smiling.

The only big city worth going to in Hungary is Budapest. Most of the best places to be are on the cosmopolitan Pest side of the Danube River in Districts 5 and 6, although there are very good places to hang out in other districts. The daytime babe watching can be done in the shopping districts of Vaci Utca and Vorosmarty. This place does not have the outrageous party atmosphere that many other larger cities further west do, however if you ask the locals and keep your eyes and ears open, you will be sure to find some honeys hanging at a few of Budapest’s favorite nocturnal haunts.

Oh, and don’t worry about finding accommodations. The hucksters practically assault you as soon as you get off the train. Their job is to find you a place to stay. If you are here in the summer you may find yourself staying at one of the universities whose dormitories double as youth hostels from late June through August. There is sure to be some Hungarian Y around. Get to know them and ask where everyone’s going.

The best bars and clubs to hang out early evening are Cafe Mediterran and Incognito on Liszt Ferenc Ter and the Irish Cat and Museum Cukraszada on Museum Korut. Later head to Morrison’s Music Pub on Revay ut, Yes on Hegedus Gyola utca, Alkotas Presszo on Alkotas ut and the seedy titty bar/whore house Barbados on Vaci utca in District 5. Late night on a weekend you have to check out Tilos on Mikszath Kalman ter, Bahahof and Dreher Jakekterem on Vaci ut in District 13, Bamboo on Dessewfly utca, Hully Gully on Apor Vilmos ter and Aztec on Mozsai” utca. Just a quick note; definitely do not miss the world famous Hungarian bath houses. These places, like their Japanese rivals, are unbelievable.

As in any city in Eastern Europe, be careful when riding in a cab. The cab drivers are notorious for taking dumb, drunk foreigners for a ride to rid them of the forints that are basically worthless outside of this country’s borders. Also as in other Eastern European countries there is organized Mafia who tends to frequent many of the clubs here in Budapest. Although formidable at times, these guys pale in comparison to their counterparts and mentors in Los Angeles, Miami or New York City. Try not to piss them off just the same. I here Hungarian prisons are just about as charming as those in Mexico.

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