Cannes has much better beaches than Nice for two reasons; the first is because the beaches are actually made of sand, and the second is the women on the beach are topless. So come to Cannes and check out all those cans! The beaches here are almost enough to redeem the bad feelings you harbor towards the French after visiting Paris. I said almost! The Boulevard de la Croisette and rue d’Antibes are the main drags and are lined with expensive stores, expensive cars, expensive hotels and expensive women. Check out Jane’s on rue des Serbes come nightfall. The infamous Cannes Film Festival takes place here every May. If you decide to go, hopefully Howard Stern will show up again in his ‘Tart Man” outfit and piss-off the local French government, like he’s done before. If you want to make friends like Howard, you can always speak English really loudly in the cafes, wear a baseball cap in the restaurants or throw around a football on the beach.

God Damn Factor 9.0