Boston is the place to be, if you are looking for YP in the Northeast. There are about 60 colleges and universities in the Boston/Cambridge area and close to a half a million students— about half of whom are women. Even for those of you who failed 1st grade math, it’s obvious that that is a lot of Y! For the best YP in this area, head to Boston College, Tufts University, Boston University and Northeastern University. Thursdays is the big night to go out in this perennial college town. Go to a fraternity party at a big university here, if you can. The good thing about Boston is that there are a lot of girls’ schools (aka. women’s colleges) close by, like Leslie, Wellesley, Simmons, Whelock and Mt. Holyoke. To tell you the truth there tends to be a lot of lesbianism and nazi-feminism running rampant on these campuses. So when scamming, remember, you are the one with the penis. Act like you have one. The funny thing is a lot of these women’s colleges are packed with girls who are intensely sexually frustrated. After a long week of being on a single-sex campus, women’s liberation takes on a whole new meaning, like getting the hell off campus and heading to party at Harvard, BU or MIT to hook up with some of the very same men they have been bashing all week. You may get lucky and find yourself in a position to relieve some of their frustrations— repeatedly!
The bad thing about Boston (and in fact the whole Northeast) is that it’s cold. Girls here sit on their asses all winter, eat and get fat. The usual “freshman fifteen” is more like the “freshman forty” up here. When it does get warm, the girls break out the shorts and the sweatshirts. They use the sweatshirts to cover up their big asses that have been growing all winter long. So common was this attire at Harvard, we use to call it the “uniform”! Whether warm or cold, Faneuil Hall, Quincy Market and Little Italy are humming, and hopefully one the women here will end up doing so for you! These locales are full of places to shop, eat and drink and are conveniently concentrated in a small area. During the academic year, these places have a nice mix of pre-collegiate, collegiate and post-collegiate booty walking around. The chicks in the bars in these areas of town come nightfall tend to be post-collegiate. They’ve got real jobs and real responsibilities, so adjust your rap accordingly. That line you use on campus, “Do you want to come upstairs, so I can show you my CD collection?” may not work well for you at 2am on a Tuesday night with some of the post-grad girls.
Newberry and Landsdowne Streets, Kendall Square and Harvard Square in nearby Cambridge are more collegiate nocturnal haunts. The perennial favorite hangouts are Dad’s on Newberry Street, Avalon, Axis, Jake Ivory’s, Mam Kins and Jullians— all on Landsdowne Street in Kendall Square. If you want to get dressed up and head to clubs packed full of Boston cheese, check out the Roxy on Tremont in the Theatre District or Avenue C on Newberry Street. The Zanzibar on Boylston Place and Emily’s on Winter tend to attract the booty without the fromage. Head to the Alley Cat for a more fraternity like atmosphere or the Mercury Bar for the alternative chicks. They’re on Newberry Street. Tia’s on the wharf and Clarke’s in Faneuil Hall are typical meat markets.
If you are curious about what Harvard girls are like, head to the Crimson Grill on JFK in nearby Cambridge (it’s right across the Charles River). But first hit the Hong Kong Restaurant in Harvard Square and down one of their infamous scorpion bowls. The girls will look much better afterward. Russell tavern, Grendel’s Den, M Restaurant and Lounge, Tommy, the red house, Shays Pub and Wine Bar and Noir are all relatively decent places believe it or not. Who knows? You may wind up banging the future CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
God Damn Factor 8.0