Barcelona, Spain

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Barcelona is another Spanish city that just rocks. It’s situated in the Northeast of the Iberian Peninsula in a region of Spain called Catatonia. The advantage this city has over other big cities in Spain is that it has a beach. Now it’s not a really beautiful beach, but a beach none the less. This means that in addition to the great nightlife typical of other Spanish cities, there are beautiful half-naked Spanish girls sunbathing on the shores of this city on warm summer days. After experiencing a day at the beach in Barcelona, I dare any country, except maybe the United States, to claim that its women have better breasts than the Catalunians. I coined the term “anti-gravity hooters” to describe to friends back home what I was seeing on that shores of Barcelona. There are some big women here with body parts that seem to defy Newton’s laws, causing a subsequent anti-gravitational reaction in most men’s groins. The Olympics may have been held here in 1992, but there is hardly “o’ limp dick” to be found! Wu!

In the summertime, definitely head to the beach during the day to scam on the babes. Spanish is understood, although of course, they prefer speaking Catalan. The best places to go early night in Barcelona can be found in a variety of places on Las Ramblas, Barri Gotic, the Placa Reial, Placa Catalunya, Cuitat Vella, and Port Olympic. They are all lined with pubs and bars and tons of people. Check out Districo Maritimo on Moll de la Fusta, Pachito in Puerto Olympic, Polyester on Estacio de Franca, Flat Cat on Calle Teodora la Madrid, Partycular on Auda Tibidabo, El Otro on Calle Valencia, Cafe Zurich on Placa Catalunya, Cafe de 1′ Opera on Las Rablas and On/Off on Cami de la Fuxarda. The best discotecs in this city include, New York on Calle Escudellers, La Linea 6,25 on Calle Enric Grandees, Nits on Placa Joan Llongueres, Otto Zutz Club on Calle Lincoln, Apolo on Calle Nov de Rambla and Karma in Placa Reial. [Invite edits]

Don’t bother going out before 2am and beware. The club employees, especially the bouncers who guard the entrances, can have attitudes the put Madrid to shame. Some helpful hints on how to get into a club in Barcelona hassle free: dress well, go with a group (preferably one which includes women) and go with someone who speaks Catalan. If you are not a local, they’ll know it and possibly charge you a higher cover charge and price for drinks. Apparently some Spaniards still recall Charles Barkley’s nasty display at the ’92 Summer Olympics in Barcelona, and no “les gustan los ugly Americanos!” Do your best to deal with the situations that arise.

Barcelona is also big on warehouse parties and carpas, outdoor parties under tents in a wide open space somewhere. You definitely have to ask a local about these, their dates and locations. El Submari on Calle Fernando Poo and Firestiu on Placa de 1′ Univers are where they have been held in the past. They are definitely very popular. So if the word is that all the local booty is heading for a certain locale on a certain night, check it out. If you do only one touristy thing while you’re in Spain, let it be a visit to Monjuic (Mountain of the Jews), where the 1992 Olympic Games were held.

God Damn Factor 9.5

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