Baltimore, Maryland


A lot of you may consider making road trips to Baltimore, Maryland or even Old Town Virginia, both known for being big bar towns. It’s true the beer may be good, but the ratio, quantity and quality of the booty sometimes are not. The place to hang out in Baltimore early on a Friday nights when it’s warm outside is Water Street. Basically it’s an outdoor pavilion surrounded by bars on both sides. Here, a lot of professionals and college students come after a long week to get a jump on the weekend. While drinking on Water Street one night, with my buddies and I ran into a girl who went to school at nearby Loyola College, great place for YP by the way. She was outrageous— half-Venezuelan and half-Syrian, and her name was Gigi. (Thank heaven for little girls who look like that! As I was talking to her, she was approached by this guy who looked like something you might see on display as the “missing link” in the Museum of Natural History. It was her boyfriend, Joe, who was so ugly, I swore he had to be missing 3 pairs of the usual set of 23 human chromosomes. My hero that night was a Neanderthal, we dubbed “Joe 20”. I guess sometimes the sun even shines on a dog’s ass, you lucky bastard.

If you’re in Baltimore, Maryland between a Wednesday and a Saturday, head ten minutes North to Towson, Maryland. Towson State University along with Loyola University are great places to wander in search of beautiful girls during the day. These two schools also stock the bars on York Avenue and Joppa Road with great-looking YP. Gators and Murphy’s on York Road are overflowing with hot, young scamper, especially midweek. Late week, the best bars are a little further up the road. Head to the Crease and the Charles Village Pub on the corners of York Road and Joppa Road to hit on the YP from Towson State. On the weekends head to Fells Point, a bar town on the corners of Eastern Ave and Broadway in South Baltimore, if you are in the mood to do some work. Bohagers, 723, Moby’s, Greene Turtle, and Rodo’s are the best bars and clubs here, along with Bay Cafe on Boston Street on Sunday afternoons, when its warm outside. When it gets late on Friday and Saturday nights, check out Club 1722 on Joppa Road, the after-hours club in Towson.

God Damn Factor 7.5